Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Delight or Doom? 7 Signs That You've Found the 'Right' Marriage Mate

You’ve invested a lot of time and effort in your relationship. As time goes by, you might be starting to wonder if this relationship is worth all the trouble or if you will need to go stick your fishing pool back in the sea for another fish. Before you decide to say “I do” and turn this relationship into a lifelong commitment, you need to decide if these seven signs appoint to a delightful relationship or one that is doomed and needs to be dropped. Use this as a checklist so you will know the relationship hand you’ve been dealt so you can hold ‘em or fold ‘em!
You are compatible. This means you fit together. While you don’t have to be exactly the same (let’s face it, that would be boring), you do need to have congruent core morals and values. These shape expectations and direction and are the essential ingredients of resilient marriages. After all, how can two people travel together unless they are heading in the same direction and agree on how they will get there? Are you on the same pathway or are you headed down opposite roads? 

Your temperament balances one another. He may be an extravert, and you may be introvert. He is fast and a Type A while you are mellow and steady. It may lead to conflict at times, but these differences in temperament bring balance. If you are the Yin to his Yang or vice versa, you will achieve a harmonic relationship. Are the differences those that create a whole or are you just too different to ever make the puzzle pieces fit?

You are both committed to do the work. The Beatles got it wrong – love is NOT all you need. Effort and work are necessary actions for a strong and satisfying relationship. Satisfaction has never come by just dialing it in; you feel satisfied when you work hard at something and get results. It’s you two against the world. Commitment to working on the relationship is the glue that holds it all together. Are you on the same play and showing up for the practices or are you absent in mind, body, and spirit when it comes time to hit the field?  If your partner is not engaged in making the effort now, it will not change once you are married; in fact, the lack of effort and engagement could get even worse.  

You are able to speak your partner’s love language. When two people from different languages try to communicate, it is often confusing and frustrating. Both people do not understand what the other person is trying to say. Therefore, you have to be bilingual and able to meet the needs of your partner by speaking their love language. These include romantic, sexual, and emotional needs that make each individual feel fulfilled. Is your mate taking the time to learn your language and are you interested in finding the translation to theirs? 

You are able to work together to resolve problems. This When the rubber meets the road, you have to be able to work through conflict to find resolution in a healthy and productive manner. Life is filled with bumps, twists, and turns, so having a partner that works well with you to sort it all out minimizes the stress on the relationship. This doesn’t mean you are going into the relationship with the intent to change the other person, and you shouldn’t be changing for the other person just to keep the peace. Do you both believe the relationship is worth the effort of finding solutions to problems or is the solution that the relationship equation doesn’t add up for the both of you?

You are attracted to them. Do you remember that initial spark between the two of you? There is a special chemistry that is electrifying when there is a physical attraction. As your relationship matures, your daily life issues dominate your attention, and your body ages, this attraction can keep those fires burning between the two of you. Do you still have the ingredients in place to stoke that fire for the long term? 

You genuinely like who they are as a person. A relationship must be based upon a solid friendship that can stand the test of time. You should like the person as much as you love them. Respect and honor are enduring traits that remain even as passion ebbs and flows over time. Before you had a relationship, you always put your friends first. Why not consider your spouse or mate like your other friends? Or, do you put the kids and dog first and your spouse last or do you make a special place by your side for them? Do they do the same for you?

The answers to these questions can help you determine if your relationship is worth the vested interest you’ve given it so far and if it has marriage potential. Just like any other type of investment, it’s time to weigh the risks and opportunities. Is it time to diversify and move on or is it worth buying and holding that relationship for the long term? These signs are the indicators you need to make that decision.