Monday, September 19, 2011

Conquering Fear by Running Toward (Not Away from) It

Two Sunday's ago was the 10-year anniversary of 9/11. Commemoration events were held all over country and nation. You didn’t have to lose anyone in the attack to feel the weight of sadness that overcame the country as the events of that tragic day were relived and revisited.

At the same time that these commemoration activities were taking place, the city of New York was dealing with credible reports of a planned terrorist attack. The city amped up its police presence significantly, which only served to deepen the tension. Even if you weren’t necessarily thinking there would be another attack, the significant police presence and all the media coverage certainly helped to create a psychological atmosphere of fear.

This just proves that an actual action doesn’t always have to happen in order to fulfill a purpose. And, in the minds of terrorists, the idea that they can paralyze a nation and scare them into changing their travel plans or how they live is nearly as good as actually physically attacking them. After all, isn’t that what terrorism is: psychological warfare?

We all mourned the deaths of the thousands of human deaths and collateral damage that occurred during the attacks. However, the physical loss and impending disaster of buildings and planes being destroyed was only one part of what the terrorists wanted to achieve. The real objective was to create psychological terror. This has impacted decision-making from where we go, how we participate in the stock market, and how we buy. So, it would seem that the goal of terrorism is to create an unnatural, illogical state of mind that keeps you stuck in a mindset of fear.

Now, take that and apply it to our relationship. Ask yourself the following:

· Have you been a victim of terrorism in your relationships?

· Have past relationships created certain fears in you that you keep playing out over and over again, impacting your current relationship?

· Are your fears causing you to see danger where there is none?

This is emotional jihad and a mental state that is not conducive to happy, healthy relationships.

Whatever you fear has power and control over you. Do you know that 90% of what we fear will never happen? In order to break the cycle of psychological warfare that could be taking down your relationship, you have to learn how to run towards this fear – instead of away – in order to defeat it.

And, just like the terrorist threat in NYC where extra police were called out to stand guard and provide the appearance of intimidation, putting up defenses out of fear will not create relief or make you feel better. That’s because what you fear the most has already set up residence in your mind and paralyzing you and your relationship. However, running toward the fear will put you on the offense, helping you to conquer fear in a positive way.

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    Can you elaborate on how to face fear in a relationship? I know people say "Let go and let God" but doing it it so hard..any advice?